


You've Lost Yourself, Bellamy

by peppermintapples



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Inspired by the 7x12 preview, It's really only Bellarke if you squint I'm sorry, No Echo hate in this house please, No happy ending because I'm not imaginative enough to create my own scene, Technically minor Becho since most of this takes place from Echo's pov, The 100 (TV) Season 7 Speculation, hooo boy first time writing fic ever let's give it up for being vulnerable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:53:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25876981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peppermintapples/pseuds/peppermintapples
Summary: The moments before Clarke gets taken to M-Cap.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake & Echo, Bellamy Blake & Octavia Blake, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Echo & Clarke Griffin, Octavia Blake & Clarke Griffin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	You've Lost Yourself, Bellamy

**Author's Note:**

> As noted in the tags, this fic was inspired by the 7x12 preview (specifically Octavia's line) and takes several quotes directly from that video, so spoiler warning!
> 
> For the purposes of this fic, Clarke, Octavia, and Echo are being kept in the same cell, and the M-Cap room is suddenly very close to their cell and the walls are also far from soundproof :')

_“Clarke doesn’t have the key. The Flame was destroyed.”_

Those two sentences play over and over in Clarke’s mind, and her world is frozen. She can’t believe that Bellamy would betray her—betray Echo, betray _Octavia_ _—_ and she searches his face, desperately hoping to find a shred of something, anything, in his eyes that would let her know this is some kind of long con. This is _Bellamy_ , after all _—_ he had played the inside man at Mount Weather, he has to be playing the inside man now, right? He has to be faking it. Because if he isn’t, she may as well have signed her friends’ death warrants. 

But she has to stifle the urge to cry when she looks into his eyes. She hadn’t noticed when he first came in, too distracted by the seemingly impossible fact that he was _alive_ , and if he looked a bit uncomfortable and his hug wasn’t as solid as it usually was it was just because he was tired, right? But now she sees what she missed. There’s no love in Bellamy’s eyes for anyone in that room, but instead an emptiness that cuts to her core and terrifies her in a way she hasn’t felt since she thought Madi was going to die. _Empty_ was not a word she had ever associated with Bellamy Blake. Even when he was taking Pike’s orders, there had been a steely resolve in his entire demeanor that showed her that he thought he was doing the right thing, as terrible as it was.

Now? Clarke can’t name anything in his gaze.

 _Oh, Bellamy, what did they do to you?_ she thinks as they drag her and the others out of the room.

*

Echo leans against the wall with her arms crossed, her eyes following Octavia as she paces around the room, a reversal from earlier in the week. They’ve been taken back to the cells they were kept in when they first came to Bardo, but this room has three beds instead of two. Clarke is sitting nearby on hers, hands clasped in her lap and eyes cast downward. Echo feels a stab of worry; she has never seen Wanheda look so defeated before. Once upon a time, she would have thought Clarke weak for letting a personal relationship affect her so much. But now, she muses, she has reasons to empathize.

She thinks back to Bellamy’s betrayal in the dining room. In the moment she had felt shock, confusion, and hurt. So much that she didn’t even put up a fight when the Disciples dragged them to the cells. How could Bellamy do this to them?

The door opens and Bellamy himself walks in, white robes sweeping behind him and four guards following him in. Echo stands up, and Octavia stops pacing. The guards immediately hold up their weapons.

Clarke doesn’t so much as look up.

Echo’s thrown off by Bellamy’s clean-shaven face and curly hair; he looks so much like the man he was back on Earth, back when they were still enemies. She manages to find her voice after a second. 

“Bellamy,” Echo says. She’s proud of herself for keeping her voice steady, but when Bellamy turns his gaze to her it takes all her training to keep from flinching. Echo has had years to grow accustomed to Bellamy’s gazes. She remembers the fiery determination in the cages of Mount Weather, the hatred during the conclave, the love on the Ring. But she doesn’t remember ever seeing the flat disinterest that she sees in his eyes now.

He holds up a hand. “Stand down,” he says to the guards. He turns back to the room at large. “We’re here to take Clarke to M-Cap.”

At the sound of her name, Clarke’s head finally snaps up and her eyes land on Bellamy. Her expression has become carefully blank, a veneer that Echo herself is familiar with putting up, but as she watches Clarke take in Bellamy’s new appearance her facade wavers and then crumples until she’s staring at him with unmasked _pain_. Echo glances in alarm at Octavia, only to find her staring in open horror at her brother.

Echo walks over to him slowly, hands out, ignoring the guards as they point their weapons at her again. “Bellamy, why are you doing this?” she asks.

His response is immediate and measured. “The Shepherd saved my life,” he says. “I have to do this. For all mankind.”

Echo can hardly believe her ears. She’s said the words herself, of course, but she never thought that one of her own people could say them and believe them, and she can tell that he _does_. She has to find a way to get through to him. “You’ve lost yourself, Bellamy, this _isn’t you_.”

Bellamy just looks tired. “Echo, you don’t understand—”

“No, Bellamy, _you_ don’t understand!” Echo snaps at him. In a distant part of her mind, she realizes this is the first time she’s ever blatantly disagreed with him since he gave her a second chance on the day of Praimfaya. If Bellamy realizes this, he doesn’t give any indication; he just keeps staring at her with an unreadable expression on his face. Echo had never let her emotions get to her like this when it came to Bellamy, normally preferring to distance herself and cool off before trying to talk to him again, but right now she doesn’t even try to reign them in. She doesn’t care; she’s just _angry_. “You told me that loyalty is a weakness when it causes you to do something you shouldn’t. Isn’t that what you’re doing now?”

Bellamy’s face remains impassive. “That was different. I am doing something I should do. This is for all mankind,” he says again.

Hearing those words makes Echo want to punch the wall, but she refuses to give up. “Remember what else you told me that day on the Ring? You said that we were a team. A unit. And you asked if I thought I could be loyal to you.” She swallows. “And I was! I _am_. But what about you? Can’t you be loyal to us now too? Can’t you be loyal to me?” Her angry tone has given way to pleading, and another distant part of her mind notes how their roles have been reversed. She’s the one with her heart on her sleeve, and Bellamy is closed off and composed. _Showing enough emotion for you yet?_ she thinks bitterly. 

Echo can see the tiniest amount of conflict in his eyes, but then he glances away, his gaze falling directly on—

Clarke.

Of course.

She’s seen the signs, of course. She’s a spy, after all. But she had never let herself read into them, choosing instead to find ways to justify Bellamy’s behavior. He told her on the Ring that nothing would change between them when they got to the ground, and she had chosen to believe him for nothing other than the fact that she so desperately wanted to. But maybe it’s time to believe in herself instead.

It’s strange, she thinks. She can feel her anger returning, but this time it’s mixed in with a different sadness than earlier, along with the inexplicable feeling of wanting to both laugh and cry.

Maybe this is what heartbreak feels like.

Still, Echo isn’t a top spy for nothing, and she’s not above self-sabotage for the sake of the mission. Last time, it was her honor and relationship with Roan. Before that, it was a potential friendship with Bellamy.

This time, it’s her own heart.

“Fine,” she says slowly, calmly. “I’m not a good enough reason. I can see that. But what about Clarke?”

Bellamy’s gaze snaps back to her, eyes widened slightly, and Echo can feel Clarke and Octavia’s surprised stares on her too. She pushes on. “You were a mess when you thought she was dead, Bellamy. And then, when you found out she was alive? You left us all behind in Sanctum for a _chance_ to save her. We could have all died. Tell me, did we even cross your mind when you were with her in the forest?”

During her last sentence, Bellamy’s eyes had slid away from her, and now he’s refusing to meet her level stare. Soon, Echo will let herself feel this. But not yet. “You were willing to put all of us in danger to get her back. And now she’s here. How can you betray her now? What happened to _that_ loyalty, Bellamy?”

Bellamy’s eyes flash, and he finally meets her gaze. “I _am_ being loyal,” he bites out. “This is for the good of everyone. One day you’ll see that.”

And with that, Bellamy signals to the guards. Two of them keep their weapons trained on Echo, and the other two go over to Clarke.

*

Octavia has been silently taking in Echo and Bellamy’s conversation, stunned into stillness from what she heard. But the sight of the guards taking away Clarke spurs her into movement. 

“Wait!” She tries to get to Clarke, but Bellamy catches her arms and the guards exit the room. 

Octavia turns to him, incredulous. For all the disputes she’s had with both her brother and Clarke in the past, there was never any denying the special connection they shared. Octavia remembers Bellamy’s stubborn refusal to give up on Clarke’s life at Gabriel’s camp even when the situation had seemed hopeless. She remembers the way the two of them looked at each other when Clarke finally woke up. She can’t reconcile that image in her head with this new detached version of Bellamy who is about to put Clarke through hell. “Bellamy, what are you doing?” 

“What I have to do.” There’s a type of resignation in his gaze as he looks down at Octavia. It’s not much, but it’s more than she’s seen from him since she first caught sight of him in the dining room. He has to snap out of it. He _has_ to know this is wrong.

“Bell,” Octavia says. “You know what they want you to do to Clarke in there. Do you remember the bunker?”

His hard gaze wavers, and feels a glimmer of hope in her chest. She doesn’t like thinking about her Blodreina days much, but she’ll gladly call back to them if it means getting her brother back. “You poisoned me,” she says. It comes out softly, matter-of-fact but lacking accusation now that she’s had ten years to reflect on it. Still, Bellamy gives the slightest flinch, and Octavia’s resolve grows. She goes on, her voice growing in intensity to match the urgency in her words. “You poisoned me to save Clarke. You were willing to _kill me_ in order to save Clarke. And now you’re going to go and _torture_ her? The machine can cause permanent brain damage, Bell. I went through it. I know what it’s like.”

Bellamy’s jaw ticks, and for a long moment, he doesn’t move. Octavia holds her breath, hoping for a miracle.

It doesn’t come.

“I’m doing what I have to do,” Bellamy finally says. “And Clarke won’t be in any danger if she cooperates.” He almost seems like he’s trying to convince himself, but before Octavia can say for certain, Bellamy turns on his heel and walks towards the door.

“It’s _Clarke_ , Bell, you know she’s not going to just give in!” Octavia yells after him.

Bellamy’s two steps to the door by now, and he stops. Octavia can see how tense his shoulders are. But then he takes a deep breath and rolls his shoulders back. “That’s on her,” he says, so softly that Octavia nearly misses it. And then he walks through the door with the remaining guards. She watches as it slides shut behind them.

A few minutes later, Octavia squeezes her eyes shut as she hears Clarke scream.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay real talk I was NOT expecting Echo's POV to be quite so long, but I guess I've finally experienced firsthand what other writers mean when they say the fic ran away from them.
> 
> I would have loved to include the M-Cap scene, complete with Bellamy witnessing Clarke's radio calls, but I already know I wouldn't be able to do that scene justice so I'm just ending the fic here and leaving that for writers who actually know what they're doing :') Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
